C.O.N.F.U.S.E.D
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Exam's coming in a week's time and I haven't started revising. Books that are piling near my bed are collecting dust. Feel like my whole life is falling apart. Friends are around me when I need them. I thank them a lot for trying their very best to put me at ease. Still, I don't know why I feel like something is missing in my life. I'm sure he has successfully forgotten about me. I mean 100%, and here I am, still waiting for a miracle to happen. "What are doing Shahirah?" I keep on asking myself that. All I want is to forget him but why is it so hard? I don't face difficulties like this when I try to forget someone. But this time, it really challenges me to the extreme that I want to lose everything. If not for mum and my best friend, I would feel like this life is useless.
My life has been very hectic and stressful because of school and career. I want both of it. It's just a matter of whether I can balance the two. I love to perform but I can't forget about my studies. Studies is important to me. I would say that the Malay community(especially makciks, in general) always emphasise on our qualifications. Some may not agree to it but this is what we are facing now. If you are studying in ITE, they(the makciks) will go "Oh. ITE eh?" but when you are studying in poly they will go, "Wow! That's good!" I don't understand why. They have sort of set a certain standard for us and that's unfair for those who are studying in ITE. Doesn't mean you are in ITE you can't be successful. That's bullshit. Totally.
Recently, I went to an engagement lunch at the foyer where I live. Mak pengantin suddenly asked me, "Bila awak punya turn?" which means when is my turn to get married in Bahasa. I was speechless. I just giggled and smiled at her, blushing. Hello, I'm not ready to get married! Moreover, I'm single. Who am I going to marry? It happened again when mum's long lost friend asked the same question. What's going on? Maybe it's a tradition that the elders will start asking that question to girls at my age. Please, I'm still young and still want to have fun. Getting married at this age is out of the question for me. No way I'm going to be a young parent!
Also recently, two guys whom I have no idea who they are, messaged me. Strange things are happening in my life. There are so many challenges I have to face. I hope I can endure all these challenges that God has given me. Amin.
