I had a sudden feel of blogging in the wee hours of Thursday.. Why am I so fucking stupid to look at my bf's ex's profile.. I even had the guts to actually check each and every thing in my bf's profile. AND that photo. Ok, maybe I'm over-reacting with all these, I juzt don't know why the HELL I go see that freaking photo in his profile!!! What? I'm being suspicious of that fucking photo?! I admit that I'm fucking jealous.. How would you feel if ur partner still has a photo of him/her and their ex together in the profile? It just pissed me off. I feel hurt. I feel like I'm not good enough for him. I feel like I have the need to have the same body frame as him so that he won't be feeling weird walking beside a hippo like me. I feel the sense of need to change how I speak, how I dress, just to impress him! That's how stressed I am!

All the images of him embarrassed by the way I look keeps appearing in my mind. I just want to lose as much weight as possible. When I told him the other day that I want to lose weight till I'm 40kg, he said that that's good, that's ok. I was testing him to see if he would say that I shouldn't lose that much.. But he likes it! That was when I felt like I didn't fit to be his gf. That's hw I felt, truthfully. Now, I'm still stuck at 52kg. I want to at least be within the 40s mark.

I seriously feel that everything about me, inside out, is not enough. And there's another thing. I remembered what we wished for. He wished for me to be tall, not short like now.. Only God Almighty can give him that miracle! I don't know what to do. I'm not the most beautiful person he has ever met, neither am I the one who owned the most voluptious figure. I'm just hoping for a miracle. A MIRACLE THAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL AT EASE ABOUT WHAT AND WHO I AM NOW.

I had iftar with my former secondary school clasmates yesterday at Spize @ Simpang Bedok! Oh my god. It's been a long time and everyone changed! Gosh.. There were 12 of us, i think. Haha! Wait, let me see.. There's me, Fid, Roda, Wana, Fina, Mira, Sya, Hadi, Don, Azim, Wan.. Ok, so it's 11. LoL!

The girls waited for dorky Hadi for nearly two freakin' hours! Lambat nak mampos! WTH! Pompan pakai make up pon tk selambat kau ok! We also met Iza along the way! I was so surprised to see her that I swiftly walk towards her and hugged her! We didn't meet for quite a while.. So missin ya girl!

We reached there around 6.30pm.. So damn late because of that someone!

We had prawn omellette, BBQ Stingray, balck pepper chix and this crispy baby squid. It's superb!! One of the best dishes I have ever eaten! U guys shud try!!

After that, we went to Changi Airport T3 to catch things up. We had a great time, especially when Hadi's there. He's a joker! LOVE his silly antics! If only we cud talk for hours but it was getting late! I reached home at around 11pm.

My bf called me when I was still at T3. This was the conversation that we had:

Bf: Dear, where r u nw?
Me: Im still at T3 honey. Y?
Bf: Then what time are u going home? Does ur parents know ur going home late?
Me: Yea, of course. They know who Im goin out with.
Bf: Oh.. When u go out with me, u must go home early. And when u go out with ur friends, u can go home late uh.. Hehehe..
Me: Im sorry but I haven't been seeing them for nearly a year. So this is the only time where I get to meet them so I use this time preciously..
Bf: Oh, its ok dear.. So long as u will be back at home safely. Go home together with ur frens alr..

I was actually laughing at what he said to me. But its true, don't u think so? When ur out with ur friends, u tend to get home later than usual. But when ur wit ur bf/gf, ur always punctual! Haha! Am I right? Maybe it's because u go out with ur friends, girls and boys.. and when ur with ur bf/gf, u will be home asap. Coz ur afraid ur parents will be worried about u or maybe get u grounded from going out with ur bf/gf again. Be in twos and be in groups are different! So keep that in mind ya! Anyway, it's much safer to be in groups..
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This is for Fid, upload the pix yaw!! send it to me asap!!
I wanna put it in my blog!!!
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Shahirah, signing off. Ciao!!!!

Today, I was suppose to bake cookies but my godmum's maid said I don't need to come.. Which was good. I won't have backaches anymore. I personally love baking. Be it cakes or cookies. I won't get tired of it!! It's in the genes, baby! My grandmother loooooooves cooking and baking. Maybe I inherit that from her? I don't know.. It's that sense of satisfaction in ur heart and the joy that baking and cooking bring.. It's hard for me to describe but once you u get the hang of it, u will get what i mean.

Hari raya is in 2 weeks time and my house is like a wreck!! well, not exactly.. Haha!! I need to dust off all the furniture, get the curtains up.. Luckily I already got my costume. This year, it's maroon. It's kebaya. Not the nyonya kind.. I don't have the gut to wear nyonya kebaya. I think it doesn't fit me, though I have the figure(wee weeeeet!).. Lol!! I think people are already cursing me for that statement!

And people, DON'T FORGET!! MY COMPETITION IS ON THE 27TH
SEPTEMBER!!

YUP YUP, 27TH SEPTEMBER!!

TEENAGE ICON SEMI-FINALS!!

3PM!!

AT HEEREN!!

PLEASE COME AND SUPPORT ME!!

AND IT'S ON MY BIRTHDAY, SO UR SUPPORT IS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT...

Ok, enough said.. If you guys are still blur about this, you can buy the TEENAGE magazine. I will be featured with 23 other contestants in the OCTOBER issue!!

Labels: 2 weeks, baking, Teenage Icon

Walaupun langit pada malam itu
Bermandikan cahaya bintang
Bulan pun bersinar betapa indahnya
Namun menambah kepedihan

Ku akan pergi meninggalkan dirimu
Menyusuri liku hidupku
Janganlah kau bimbang dan janganlah kau ragu
Berikanlah senyuman padaku...

Selamat tinggal kasih sampai kita jumpa lagi
Aku pergi...Takkan lama..
Hanya sekejap saja ku akan kembali lagi
Asalkan engkau tetap menanti

These are lyrics from an Indonesian hit song 'Pergi Untuk Kembali' by a cute guy named Ello. The name already speaks for himself. I'm sure he wants me to be like what the lyrics say..

I'm really gonna miss him.. I can't hold my tears any longer.. He's going.. In 8 hours time.. I LOVE YOU HONEY!!! =_(

Labels: I will be strong for you honey.. I love you from the bottom of my heart..

To my Muslim friends, Selamat berpuasa ya.. Jgn nk puase yok-yok lak.. Hahaha!!
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Anyway, my exams' are over so now, I can relax!! Luckily it's during the fasting month. And, I'm going to get my hands on baking!! So happy to do so!!!
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But then, my boyfriend is going for NS in 8 days time... Haiz.. I'm going to miss you, honey!! Sob sob.. My eyes are swelling.. I can cry buckets of tears.. But it won't change the situation..
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I love you honey.. I will miss you honey.. I can't wait for you to finish your NS!! I just wanna be with you forever.. Forever, honey..
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To my Primary and Secondary school friends, when are we going to break fast together?? Text me ya!! Don't forget about me!!
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To my NYP friends, I miss you guys loads!! Meet up when school re-opens ya!!