Today was super fun! I had presents from the girls!! Thx Sharon, Soo and Bee!! They are lovely!! I brought Roast Chicken, cranberry sauce and Shepherd's Pie. The chicken was cooked well despite my first time tryng the recipe! Woo Hoo!! Haha!! its gooooood.. Thx guys for appreciating my cooking!! It's my favourite pastime!! Sharon's cookies are good too. Very sweet. Kinda remind me of my childhood days.

I reached Botanic Garden later at ard 1+pm. I thought they brought mats. Instead, they used brochures from Botanic Garden!! So funny! There were maps summore!! Gdness!! It realli shocked me but in a funny way.. Ah Bee came later than me and guess what she brought? A pile of brochures! It's a lot!!! People asked her to take a sensible amount, she took like, maybe the whole stack of it from the slot! She was so funny!! I mean, she's being sarcastic indirectly without realising it herself! LOL!!

I was expecting quite a number of people to turn up.. But it was disappointing. It was supposed to be a class outing. But it turned out to be like a clique outing.. Haiz.. But it's ok.. At least I had fun there.. =)

I applied for a job as a barista at Hafiz's working place. The interview was quite intense even though I get to answer the questions that the store manager asked me. It lasted 4 nearly 2 hrs, including waiting for the manager to interview me. I'm hoping that it's worth the time and thoughts! Pray that I will get the job ya! Hehe.. Thx peeps!!

By 7+pm, there were 3 of us left, Ash, Hafiz and me. We went to play pool at Lucky Plaza. It has been a long time since I played pool with them! I still shoot anyhow!! Lol!! I'm learning it bit by bit! Ash took a photo of me playing pool. I will upload the rest of the photos soon too ya!! I'm getting tired alr.. Ciao ppl.. Nites..=)

I think that me and him are not meant to be. No response. Confusion. All adding up to sorrow. Should I wait for a month or two to ensure myself that I still have a chance to win his heart? I need answers. Not silence. Allah, pls help me in this. Show me the way through and guide me to the right person.

I had a rather bad day today.. Haha.. So much of someone saying this, "Why is she the one who is always singing? What? There's no one else to sing uh?" FUCK YOU, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!! If there is no one else singing except me, why not YOU sing, FAGGOT?! FUCKING STUCK UP!! Like I wanna sing for the whole day! If I have the choice, I wouldn't want to sing for 5 hours!! But coz it's MY JOB! THAT'S WHY?! Kalau handsome tkpe.. Muke da pecah!! Nk comment orang pon tgk uh diri sendiri dulu!! FUCK OFF!!

Luckily I didn't hear that myself. My parents told me after he left his seat near my parents' seats. I was so pissed off. I didn't make a scene there coz I was at someone's wedding. I gotta respect that. I end the day with "Setelah Aku Kau Miliki". I really felt so good when I sang that song. Just feel like making the people there deaf at their ears!! The people there are also the same as the FAGGOT. STUCK UPs!! This will be the first and the last time I'm going to sing for this kind of wedding. The arrogance in the people there.. Two words for these kinds of people: FUCK OFF!

Their attitude really tick people off. Especially when they are quite well-known. Well, they are only known here, not in other countries or wad. Sickening. Like they are the best people and the most handsome ones at the wedding. PUI!! KISS MY BROWN ASS!!

Gosh, I feel good letting it all out..

Hmm.. Tuesday's coming. Sardine sandwich coated in egg? Or Sheperd's Pie? Which one to pick? Haha.. We'll see about that! Gonna go grocery shopping tomorrow! I gtg.. Blog again soon!! Ciao! Nites! Sleep tite! Sweet dreams! Luv Y'ALL!!

ps. Can't wait to see you.. I miss you a lot..

Oh gosh.. I'm thankful that I have gone through what I should go through. I'm learning day after day.. Trying to get up on my feet again and I'm achieving it bit by bit.. Thank God for that..

Today was nice.. I sang at Tampines till 6pm. Everyone there was so sweet. I have never had huge support from the public like just now. The best part was when I sang "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston. It's a big ambition for anyone to sing that song coz u nid 2 be very strong in ur vocals. I mean, it's Whitney's song. I'm sure u guys noe her powerhouse vocals. It was the best song for today even if Siti Nurhaliza's songs were a favourite amongst the people there. I will sing it for u guys to hear soon ya.. I met Abang Shahrin n Kak Gee at the wedding. They were filming an Info-Ad drama. It has been like, AGES since I met them. Goodness.. I'm hoping to work with them again! They are the best people to work with!

Tomorrow, I will be singing at Bedok North. I am a busy woman. Haha.. What can I do.. Passion is passion. Nothing can deplete it. Hmm..

People, I just wanna let u noe dat I'm fine now.. Dun worry about my health problems coz I can handle that.. So yea.. I just wanna thank y'all for being such good friends of mine. I realli appreciate that a lot. And.. I miss u guys!! I can't wait for TUESDAY!! Hmm.. What shall I bring? curry puffs? potato only? Or with sardine also? Well, as far as I know, Hafiz will be going to snatch all that!! LOL!! Yea, u heard that rite, Hafiz!! AMIK KAU!! Haha!!

I will stop here for today!! Have a good rest every1!! Nites!! Muah3!! Hugs and kisses for every1!!

I'm still doing soul searching.. But it's getting better and better.. And I can breathe better nowadays.. It was somewhat very frightening for me this week. Maybe I was under a lot of pressure about my problem that it lead to me having chest pain on Wednesday. I was having dinner with my family.

I had a snack in my right hand at that point in time. Then I suddenly lose my grip on the snack. I mean, how heavy can a snack weigh. Then my mum was teasing me, " U can't even hold the snack properly." Stright away, after that, I felt that sharp pain on my heart. The pain was undescribeable. It happened so fast. When I felt the pain, my head felt super light, like I was on the verge of collapsing. I could see my panicked mum beside me, asking me if I was ok. There was a moment of silence. I told her I felt the pain. This is like, the 3rd or 4th time, I think. I think I should go for a check-up.

Stress really has taken its toll on me. My heart just can't handle the pressure. What I'm afraid of is the worse. I'm not ready to go.. Not so soon. I have so many things to accomplish. I will just pray for the best. For now, I just want to find a job, so that at least I have the money to stand by, just in case I have any emergencies. Nobody knows for sure what it will be..

I feel that.. I'm at the losing end.. I'm letting go of my feelings for the 2 men who came into my life. It's going to be hard for me, but this is the best step to take. I haven't been myself for the past few weeks after the break up. I have been rushing without even noticing it myself! Rushing to be with someone. Afraid that he will go away. Afraid that I will be too late.. But I get entangled in the whole situation instead. I'm here yearning for someone, another person still have hopes for me, hoping that I will come back to him. I'm the one who created the problem, now I can't handle it.. Haiz.. I only have me, to helpmyself to get through these bad dreams.. I hope these are all bad dreams for me..

Help me get through all these.. Only to You that I have faith on.. And only You who knows what's best for me.. Amin..

I went shopping with my neh, Sharon, at Orchard. I had loads of fun!! Guess what I had for breakfast?

I was browsing through everyone's blog and.. I chanced upon sharon's blog.. It touched me when I saw pictures of the class. The transformation.. Everyone changed.. And it's just sad to know how long we have left to be together. People say, move on.. And each and every day, I feel like we are not together when we need to. I'm just hoping that we can have that precious time together again.. Laugh together.. I miss those laughter.. It rings in my head when I take a look at the pictures that we took 4 the past 2 years.



Time flies so fast that I just realised we only have around 3 months together.. I do feel sad.. I was hoping that we can still be together even when we do our specialization next year. I will be missing everyone especially someone. I feel like.. I didn't get to spend much time with someone as much as I expected. Regret is what I feel now. I hope I'm not too late to spend every second of my time for someone.. To be commited in a relationship later, I would say yes. But now, it's more about understanding someone. To learn about someone.



I won't give up on that.. Taking one step at a time, for each passing day.. It may take months or years. But I know it's going to be worth it. I just know it.

ps. I finally got ur kiss, dear. I really miss that the most.. muax..

I will be having my last paper later, in the day.. Thank goodness.. Can't absorb anymore.. Whole day of just studying Sorting.. Now then I understand..

My old illness is coming back again.. Gastric.. How many more coming? Gosh.. I think this is what happen when u don't pray to Him.. I 4get him.. Goodness.. I'm in so much pain already.. First was my right ear, then it's my gastric. Shoot!! It's really killing me!! It comes at the wrong time!! Can it just come after my last paper or sumting?

Had been studying with the guys.. Not bad uh.. Can absorb.. Actually, better.. Coz I get to ask questions.. Rather than I study alone and don't understand a single thing.. Very useful people. Very resourceful.. But at times uh.. They will play games and 4get that they have to do revision. Spoil ur PSP then u noe!! Haha!!

I think I better start on my revision first.. Ciao people!!

ps. I miss ur kiss dear..

I'm starting all over again. All from scratch..

How I wish I could turn back the time and take back all the words that I said to him.. What the hell is wrong with me?!

FUCK YOU SHAHIRAH!! YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT!! NEXT TIME, THINK BEFORE YOU SAY IT!!

I think my apologies are not accepted no matter how many times I said sorry to you.. I have nothing else to say.. This time, I really blew it up. I don't know if I still have the chance again.. Even if I cry by myself all my life, I don't care. I just want to be like how we were before, even if it takes me years to win you back.

To Hafiz, I'm sorry if I just walked pass you without even saying a thing when you were clueless about what's going on.

I'm just too distraught right now.

Why? I'm starting to have deep feelings for someone. Why? Even when he treats me like shit. I will stand firm on the ground, and wait patiently. People may say, "Move on.. There are other guys out there." But I don't want to budge. I don't want to. I believe in patience and 1 day, it will pay off. I don't care if it hurts a million times. I'm meant to face all this before I can taste the sweetness of love. It's cutting me deeply, into my veins. Into my heart. Into my soul. I left him because the feelings for that someone grows each and every day, since the day we saw each other. I buried that feeling, thinking that it will fade away. But it crawls out from the grave of my heart.

I don't even think he understands this. There's no communication. Just silence. SILENCE. Silent crush. Silent love. Love? Was love even existing to him? There are no answers to it. Or I'm just too late to win him back. Should I just bury that feeling back into my heart again and not open my heart to him? I'm losing hope. I think I should just close my heart for him. It's too painful to handle. I can't take it anymore.

I wish I was in this situation..

Weak
I have been crying and crying for weeks
How'd I survive when I can barely speak
Barely eat, On my knees

But that's the moment u came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invincible
I see though the me I used to be

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human
Super human

Strong
Since I've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like I've had it all along
And I can see tomorrow

Where every problem is gone because
I flew everywhere with love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see how love can set me free

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human
Super human

It's not a bird, not a plane
It's my heart and it's going, gone away
My only weakness is you
Only reason is you
Every minute with you
I can feel like I can do anything
Going going, I'm gone away in love

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human
Super human

I'm addicted to a song, Decode by Paramore. It's one of the soundtracks for the new movie, Twilight, coming in December 13th. Can't wait to watch it!! All thanks to the Dutch guy whom I met on Tagged. He's super cute!! He's a brunette with blue eyes ok.. Just like what I dreamt of when I was young. Hehe.. But we didn't get to 'meet' online because of the difference in timing. It's 7 hours!! So it's like 5am here and it's 10pm at the Netherlands. Woo!! Damn it.. Wow.. Dutch guy huh..

Not a big deal for me.. Coz I know what I'm capable of!! Haha!! Haiz.. I will wait for someone to talk to me.. I will get to meet him tmr!! I guess.. I have to be patient.. In any ways possible.. I don't know how long but.. Hopefully it will pay off..

My wonderful classmates, I thank you so much for giving me that moral support that I need. I'm taking things slow. I'm not ready to have another serious relationship. Dating is fine for me. Somehow, I'm getting a lil afraid with guys right now after what my ex did to me. He grabbed my arm vigorously while shouting at me in the middle of the shopping centre at Tampines. He was confronting me about the separation. I was just traumatised by it. No one has ever done that to me.

All this while, I have been putting a mask on my face, trying not to show you guys that something happened to me. I just don't want to think about it. I have been having nightmares recently. I want him gone. But I'm just afraid to tell him. And what's worse, I told him to be my close fren.

He did apologise to me after that but I can't forgive him. My dad has never been so rough to me like what he did. Even if my dad is stern, he won't scold someone in public just like that. It's just scary.

Let's not talk about this anymore.. I just want to deplete it from my mind. I will blog again soon. Ciao people..

Love = Patience and understanding

Had a mini birthday party juz now.. It was a surprise for Ashraf and Arry.. I didn't look at their faces coz I was too busy being careful for the cake. Haha!! But their birthday was over!! It's more sad for Arry coz only til now, then we celebrate his birthday.. I hope I made him happy.. I shook their hands to wish them.. I was shaking Arry's hand and I didn't realise I called him sumting else. I was so nervous.. I dunno why. It happened so fast. Then I came to my senses. STOP DREAMING SHAHIRAH!!! Gosh, I was embarrassed.

STUPID!! OMG.. Out of the blue, I was back to that emo feelings.. I didn't eat the cake.. That's very stupid. That cake was nice.. What's more, He saved a cake for me and I rejected it. Wah.. Shahirah, YOU have made the biggest mistake. Well, I'm trying to avoid getting strucked by the cupid but this is what happened when you do that..

I think I should just let the feelings flow like a river.. Calmly.. Without obstructions.. Just let it go.. Let it free.. Hopefully it will work for me.. Thanks guys for supporting me morally all the way.. I appreciate it a lot.. Muah! A kiss for each of you.. I will blog again soon.. Ciao People..