You know, its really hard for sum1 to get back on track wen he/she is hvin emotional breakdown. And they try to lead a normal life like the rest of the people around them but they falter. They keep on falling, coz no one lend a helping hand to help them get up on their feet. All they do is just criticise and criticise.. until a handful of ppl whom they meet along the way help them get back on track. And what's even weird is dat, they just met. They are amongst the people who give that opportunity for those who suffer, to take the step slowly.

This is wat im experiencing nw. Strangers who turned into frens, help me.. Advise me.. Including the people close to me.. I admit that I was lost after the break up. I made the most regrettable decision. It was so abrupt. I rushed myself. I was stubborn. I keep on doin the same mistake: think wit only the heart. I was so into him. I was in denial of the negative tings dat i do. I was so engrossed to be wit him dat i didnt realise dat MY world was falling down. I feel ashamed of myself for lovin sum1 else n not love myself. Chasing for wat i tink, is a want. But it all comes down to sadness and not happiness. Im glad that i realise it nw. Im so thankful to God even when i didnt pray to Him. And yet, He still takes care of me. The guilt in me for nt praying to Him.. Only You noe hw i feel, Allah..

Im determined to change myself. I wanna open a new chapter. Officially.

And i wanna erase my feelings 4 him. Sometimes, its better to be just the way we are. We both hv shown our true colors. So its enuf 4 me to judge u 4 who u realli are. Guess we end it badly. Both of us leave a bad impression of each other. Me being oh so sensitive and u being oh so harsh. Its good that we both see d mistakes dat we made nw than later.

Its gonna take me months or maybe years to change into a better person.. Its not an overnight ting.. BUT i will try to make a difference soon.

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Feel like blogging tonight.. I can't crack my brain anymore. Argh!! IP is killing me. I have to wake up early in the morning to do the project.. Haiz.. Sian.. I wanna let out all the feelings in me.

It's been really sweet 2 c sum of my frens being head over heels in love with their partners. I envy that, truthfully.. Haha.. i wanna feel the love, but i don't want 2 commit into sumtin serious yet. How's that? LOL.. I was really glad 2 noe that someone took the initiative to tell me how he feels. Thank you for that.. But for hw long will this last?? I did wait patiently, n will still do dat despite ppl telling me to move on. It's not that i didnt date guys. i did. but 1 ting about me is, wen i alr set eyes on someone way b4 the other guys, i wont let that feeling go to waste unless there are valid reasons of course. I just wanna savour this time. I dunno if i gt 2 meet him again after this sem ends..

watever tings that u told me yst, it really makes me happy. i did see a different side of u. u seldom show it in public. almost never. only pivately. u were jealous of me dating ur fren. haha.. im sorry.. i didnt mean 2 make u feel that way. i miss the private times the most. u gv me the comfort.. the way u showed me u cared 4 me.. u made me feel safe in ur arms. u said that u respect me as ur fren and ur lover and that i hv ur heart. bt i somehow pictured myself being broken hearted. but im looking on the bright side. =) i hope that 1 day, my love will be accepted. Officially.

I still hvent gt a call frm Starbucks. Trying to get a job. I NEED MONEY!!! I WANNA GO CHECK UP!!! Bt Im oso scared. Haha.. Not ready to face it.. I have been busy for the past few weeks, so I dun realli have the time to go 4 the check up. I told my mum about my condition yesterday. She told me not to stress myself up with things, which was what i have been doin for the past few weeks. Work stress, stress with myself, haiya.. Its never ending..

I have my WPDP nearly done wen my spry accordion panel makes errors.. Haha.. wth.. But tmr is d presentation. Present wat i have to do 4 my website. Im hoping dat itsnt my turn tmr. Haha!! But i will still do it. Just in case.. Hmm.. I better go and do my stuff. GTG!! Ciao!! Nites!!

Even if I hate u, I still care 4 u.. This is me.. Even if you treat me like shit, I will still care for u..

Got back to my senses. Had a goooooooood rest after yst's ordeal. Stupid argument i should say. Damn stupid. PMS. Still need more self reflection. I'm in a daze.. I was talking shit. Poor sum1. So sorry. Got realli carried away. I didnt tink wit my head. I tink wit my heart. All the time. Now I know where my problems lie. I keep on following wat my heart says. My mum already told me not to do that. I was stubborn. Now then I know. Fuckin slow sia Irah. I hope I still have time to achieve what I want.. Actually, more of a need.. My new year's resolutions:
To change to a better person.
Be positive in watever I do.
Think with my brains!!! Not my heart all the time!!!
Stop being too sensitive. (Ppl, Im tryin to change dis.. It takes years 4 me to master dis ok..)
Stop being too influenced by those stupid habits.
And most importantly, I nid to take care of my health. It's deteriorating day by day. Haiz.. Im trying to abstain myself from thinking about it but it just seems to appear in my head. Haiya.. Is this d cause of me being realli hot tempered, very out of place nowadays?

Gosh.. Ok.. Enuf. I will have to achieve all these first.. Then I will put other wishes later. Hmm.. I have to get back to work now.. Gotta finish my WPDP. I will blog again soon.. =) Ciao..

This post is being removed for only the heart to know.